# 63 = A reflection on Issue of Representation

I am quite lost in this project, both the film and the essay: I am bad at writing and not many visual ideas come out in this project.

First, talk about the essay, I was planning to discuss female characters in career-theme anime because I got a few films to want to share, including good and bad examples, and the rough draft was done and I move to 10x10. This year 10x10 is great and I think I am doing well but it also drains all my energy, I got sick and turns very unmotivated after recovery, I try to start working on the film then I realised all my ideas have run up by those intense 10 days, still, the worse is when I reviewing the draft, I found I don't understand what I am writing about and the result is I have to do it again, by starting to do more readings and research. 

There is not much time left, because both prints and the website illustrations are due, and when comes to a painting that needs to be sold, I can't help to stop spending unnecessary time to make it reach the level that it could be a "product" that could worth its price. Then, as a result, the deadline has come a little bit more closely. 

I think that's enough excuse for why the assignment hand-in has been delayed. Back to the project, I read numerous articles on the internet, blogs, and research. Being criticized on the culture I love, some of them are right, the anime community sometimes is being too toxic and the nerds could not identify the boundaries between reality and anime. However, some of them don't feel like they have even watched anime before they give their opinions, only listing the worst example of anime which was usually discussed that they are not respecting the woman. The worst is reading under the comment, people arguing about their views and usually just turns into attacking each other... and I feel it disgusting.

I start re-writing my essay from the perspective of cultural difference. I should make a disclaimer that I am not Japanese, but as an Asian, I could really tell there is a difference between us and the "Western" country, especially the awareness of gender issue. For instance, there is a lot of humor, including jokes on degrading gender, which is quite offensive. In my country, there will never be a joke like that, but that doesn't mean we are more respectful comparing to you guys. The gender issue is invisible so seldom are people willing to mention about it. The criticism on the stereotype of anime characters, being too cute and sexy, most of the creator doesn't intend to degrade another gender, despite the appearance, there is still a huge amount of effort to build the characters and I am sure they love and respect their character, more than the audience. However, the book "A friendly discriminator" by Kim Ji-Hye (it's a Korean book and did not publish any English language version yet, I don't have any access to proper translation so I did not mention it in my essay.)  , I have read through "my resting period", it talks about how Asian live under a society without any awareness on gender and race issue and turn us to my ignorant when facing them. It is basically what we could found in anime, the parts that make audiences feel awkward and uncomfortable to watch.

I also saw there is a trend of people on Twitter fixing characters from different creators, usually are reducing their breast size, increasing their weight, or make them look more unattractive in appearance. And usually following by their supporters, attacking how improper and offensive the original was, latter turns into attacking the creator personally. I understand some of the character design are hypersexualized, however, it is confusing, to that community, it that no longer allowed to draw anything with any fantasied? It really confuses me, like it has push over all things I have learned and told me to start to learn drawing again.

I use those ideas as the starting point of my film, giving an honest (not very honest, I have added some more ignorant ideas) opinion from a disrespectful Asian guy. I did my recording but I found there is not much time to make a storyboard and furthermore development on the film. With no choice, I decide to make the film mainly by rotoscoping the footage I have film during recording, I feel it's cheating but consider the time factor this is my only option. Usually, I would like to have more motion focus and have at least one or two dramatic scenes in my film, which make me feels I am animating, however, making animated documentaries is really not my strength, and it reminds me of the stressful time of making the documentary about Niddra in the first year. 

So overall, I still manage to hand in something but I definitely don't think that is something a third year should be proud of. And it just leaves me more confused about creating a film, the responsibility is quite overwhelming.